A Good Youth Coach Is Not First a Tactical Master, but Someone Who Can Communicate

You Can Download a Session Plan Online, but You Can't Download a Relationship with Your Players

If you ask a coach "how do you run a good training session," most people's first instinct is: design a good session plan.

That's not wrong. But Conor Murning wants to talk about something else.

Murning is a Coach Learning Developer at The FA, involved in designing coaching education courses and resources from grassroots to advanced levels. Before that, he coached at the Chelsea and Fulham youth academies and also coached at university level. On The FA's Coach Cast podcast, he discussed a topic: what is a coach's "Personal Effectiveness."

His definition is straightforward:

"Personal effectiveness, when it comes down to it, is about how we show up in front of our players as coaches. It's not just about how much you know tactically and technically, but also whether you can connect with your players, whether you can communicate effectively with the people around you, and whether you can manage yourself."

This sounds like common sense, but think carefully — when was the last time you seriously considered "how am I performing as a person in the coaching role?" Most coaches spend nearly all their learning time on tactics and technique, and very few spend equal time reflecting on their communication style, their relationships with players, or their emotional management.

Murning said something that really stuck with me:

"In this day and age, information is so easily accessible. Anyone can download a session plan from the internet, find the key technical and tactical coaching points, and then go out on the pitch and deliver it to their players. But whether that session plan truly gets through to the players — that depends on your personal qualities."

In other words: the session plan itself isn't the most important thing. What matters is how you, as a person, bring it to your players.

Communication Is Not Just "Talking"

Murning breaks communication into two parts: speaking and listening. Most coaches put enormous effort into "speaking" — how to explain, how to demonstrate, how to give feedback. But what about "listening"?

"Something I've found increasingly important throughout my career is that communication isn't just about what you say — it also includes whether you're listening. Especially when you're with your players, you can gain a tremendous amount of information from truly listening. Young players will sometimes be incredibly honest with you about their thoughts — as long as you've given them the space to speak up."

He also mentioned a very practical scenario: difficult conversations.

"Whether it's with players, with parents, or with colleagues, there will always be some conversations that are hard to have. My advice is: before entering the conversation, think about what you want to say, and after the conversation is over, reflect on it. That way, the next time you encounter a similar situation, you'll handle it better."

This advice sounds simple, but how many coaches have seriously reviewed a conversation after a conflict with a parent? Most people either stew in frustration, or vent to other coaches — very few treat it as a learning opportunity.

Relationships Aren't Built in a Day

Murning currently coaches a U10 youth team. He shared a detail:

"After the players arrive and sign in, there's about 10 minutes before they go out to train. During those 10 minutes, I don't talk about football. I'll ask them how school was today, what subjects they're studying, whether they've been doing any other sports. Some kids will open up very quickly, while others need you to consistently and gently build that relationship over time."

"Early in my coaching career, I made a mistake — the first time I was coaching a group of new players, some kids weren't very responsive to me, and I started thinking 'does he not like me?' But the truth is, relationships take time. Acknowledging that it's a process is itself a very important step."

He also raised a point that I think hits a nerve for many coaches:

"Players won't automatically listen to you just because you know a lot about football. They need to know that you care about them as a person first, and only then will they be willing to listen to what you have to say about technique and tactics."

This isn't a new discovery. But next time you're at training, pay attention: did you spend 2 minutes before the session asking a certain child how that math test went that they mentioned last week? The power of these small things is greater than you think. Parents will notice, and the child will notice too — because you remembered a small detail about them, not just their position on the pitch.

The Most Valuable Ability in Training: Adapting on the Fly

When Murning was asked "what is the most underrated coaching skill," his answer was:

"The ability to react to what's in front of you in real time."

"When I go and observe different coaches running sessions, I find that most coaches' session plans are pretty good — because there's so much information available online now. But the real ability gap shows up during the session itself. What do you do when the plan doesn't match reality? What do you do when the players' responses are different from what you expected? What do you do when fewer people show up than you planned for?"

This is probably something every coach encounters every week. You prepared a session for 14 players, but only 10 show up. You designed a 5v5, but one extra person arrives and now you have an odd number. The weather suddenly changes, the pitch gets switched.

Murning's advice is practical:

"Don't prepare a separate session plan for every possible scenario — nobody has time for that. But when you're planning, you can consciously think: what if 12 show up? What if only 10 come? You don't need to write it down — just run through it in your head."

"Another very simple way to adjust: change the pitch size, change the rules, change the numbers. If fewer people show up, make the pitch smaller. If more show up, add an outside support player. These adjustments can be made while the players are playing — you don't need to stop and re-set the cones."

He also said something candidly:

"When I first started coaching, my confidence came from the session plan — I treated it like a safety blanket. The more detailed my plan was, the more secure I felt. But later I realized that real coaching ability isn't about how well your session plan is written, but about what you can do when the plan and reality don't match."

Reflection Doesn't Take Much Time, but It Needs to Be Done Intentionally

Murning has a great habit: on the drive home, he records a voice memo on his phone with his reflections on that day's session.

"I used to think about the session the whole drive home, and then sit down and write my reflections after I got home. But actually, the drive is the best time for reflection — record a voice memo while driving, and you kill two birds with one stone."

When he reflects, he focuses on three dimensions:

1. The training activities themselves — How was this exercise designed? Was the pitch size appropriate? Do the rules need adjusting? What should I change next time I use it?

2. The players — How did they respond today? Who was particularly engaged? Who wasn't participating much? What were the reasons?

3. Your own behavior — Did I step back and observe, letting the players figure things out, or did I rush into the middle of the pitch to intervene? What impact did my behavior have on the players?

"Don't try to reflect on everything — you could reflect all evening, but not all of it will be useful. If you don't know where to start, set yourself a challenge: after every session, find one thing you want to keep doing next time, or one thing you want to change. Just one."

If the Kids Leave Smiling and Want to Come Back Next Week — You've Won

Throughout the interview, Murning repeatedly came back to one point: coaching is hard, and you need to acknowledge that it's hard.

"The season is long, and it's even tougher when the weather is bad. If you also have a full-time job and a family, balancing all of these things is really not easy."

"My advice is to give yourself time where you intentionally don't think about football. Consciously schedule things during the week that you enjoy and that have nothing to do with coaching."

"The coaching role can sometimes feel lonely. There will be moments of self-doubt, moments of imposter syndrome. When I first started working at a professional youth academy, I had those 'am I really ready for this?' moments."

"My advice to coaches is: when you have these worries, talk to someone. Talking to people outside of football will give you a new perspective, and talking to fellow coaches will help you realize that everyone has the same feelings."

Finally, he said something that I think makes the perfect ending for this article:

"No matter what level you're coaching at, if your players have had a good experience, leave smiling, and want to come back next week — in my view, that's a victory."

It's not only a victory when you win the match. It's not only a success when the session plan is perfectly designed. The kids leave smiling and want to come back next week.

That is the purpose of what we do as coaches.

This article is based on an interview from The FA's Coach Cast podcast. Conor Murning is a Coach Learning Developer at The FA and formerly coached at the Chelsea and Fulham youth academies.