Tips for coaching your child when he’s not talented

Any tips from coaches who have been successful coaching a team where their child is not doing great with the ball (love him to bits but he’s bottom 20% of the team).

I see he’s taking any of my advice as criticism, and feel this is getting in the way of my relationship with him. I try leading with positive reinforcement but that doesn’t seem to help (maybe because he feels the praise isn’t deserved or maybe I unconsciously do).

It certainly doesn’t help that he’s not listening either (diagnosed with ADHD) and I struggle to lead with authority. It might be that soccer is not for him too although he enjoys playing with me when it’s just the both of us.

Top replies, most upvoted first

• (+17) If he having fun? Let him have fun. If he’s not having fun then maybe he needs a break from soccer. Past that, he’ll ask when he wants your advice.
• (+6) I tell my kid he's my helper when we train with their team so the pressure is off. I usually "train" with him at home: one touch passes with both feet to try to go over our record, passes with a bouncing ball, 1v1 and fut volley which he doesn't see as training. For technical stuff I have a dashboard with pieces and ask him what he would do on certain scenarios he had during games without he knowing, we also watch soccer highlights from games and talk about them.
• (+5) There’s definitely things that you can do to better the situation but frankly some kids are not best suited to be coached by their parents. It’s a lot of pressure on the kid, the parent, and the relationship when it’s not a natural match. So sadly to say that might be the answer
• (+4) Same situation. I learned to send any instruction to him through my assistant. Other than that, pure encouragement. But I do use the situation to talk to him about practice ideas at home and ask him to review how practices went(what was fun, what wasn’t etc.) That helps our relationship within the sport a lot tbh and gets him at least thinking about the game in a positive environment without it feeling like I’m coaching him. It’s a tough spot for sure
• (+3) Get an assistant coach and have them handle a lot of coaching your kid. My kid has ADHD (as do I, super fun!) and I’ve found she’s much more responsive to other coaches. No matter what, a kid is not going to b able to compartmentalize “dad” and “coach”. Especially with adhd, where a common symptom/comorbidity is rejection sensitivity. It doesn’t matter that you’re his coach leading with positivity, to him it’s dad pointing out why he sucks. One thing that might help is to take out the past tense of things. More “for this next one, can you try to X?” Instead of “next time, don’t do Y.” It...
• (+3) This was my child for many years. He has now worked his way to the middle of the crowd. I always reinforce that attitude and effort over everything else. I put him a position where he can possibly find success. As a coach I've stressed trying your best and I treat him the same after games whether he had a good game (for him) or not. He's always having a good time and likes being on teams.
• (+2) My child went from being in the bottom 1-2 on a team I coached at U9 to top 3 at U10. I simply made sure she enjoyed playing and motivated her to practice at home. We would go for an ice cream outing after a 15-day streak of at least 15 minutes of practice each day. I made sure she was the one choosing to do it and that she set her goals. All I did was set out a ball, give reminders during the day about her intention, play with her when she wanted me to, and pay for the incentives. It helped that we started at the end of the Spring season so she had a lot of touches when other kids were...
• (+2) Nobody is talented, people should stop using that word as it hides the reality that the opposition started first, had more practice, was more consistent and sustained or had a better mentor. Go here, I made this for my kids. This is the mentor I needed. www.soccr.org (http://www.soccr.org) I don't sell anything, I don't sell any services or products. Reach out to me if want me to point you in the right direction.
• (+2) If all he wants to do is play 1v1 that’s ok! Play as much as your body lets you lol. As long as he’s having fun and getting touches on the ball he will improve. If he doesn’t he will lose interest (spoken as an ADHDer) and be on to the next great thing lol
• (+2) Out of 13 girls my daughter is 10-13 (9v9) I coach her the same as all the other girls on the field - sometimes I get in her ass, sometimes I praise her. I just go into coach mode on the field. If she’s whining - I tell her to get off my field - just like I’ve done with other girls. When we leave the field I laugh and joke with her. We normally don’t talk about the game or practice after. I’ll rewatch games and show her stuff some good some bad - it’s all in good fun. I’m never critical and she typically takes it in stride. She has fun with her friends on the field it’s what she’s there for.
• (+2) I stopped coaching my own kids. For me, it didn’t help our relationship. I’m sure for some it can improve it, but it didn’t for me.
• (+1) get someone else to coach your kid. it will do wonders for your father/son relationship. don't mix coach and dad.